


The light of a candel (slowly fading in the storm)

by kevinismyQUEEN



Category: All For The Game - Nora Sakavic
Genre: Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Homophobia, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, It gets really angsty, Jeremy is really unhappy, M/M, Suicidal Thoughts, actually my english could be kinda weird sometimes, he gets better tho, idk - Freeform, please take care of yourself
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-12
Updated: 2019-03-12
Packaged: 2019-11-16 07:12:06
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,242
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18089780
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kevinismyQUEEN/pseuds/kevinismyQUEEN
Summary: Jeremy is almost three when the Name of his soulmate finally appears on his arm.It should be a Special day; a day that everyone would remember and celebrate.But for Jeremy it's the day everything goes wrong.Jeremy is almost three and all he wants is that his soulmate dissapears again.





	The light of a candel (slowly fading in the storm)

**Author's Note:**

> Okay, again:  
> TW for self harm and suicidal thoughts- take care of yourselves guys.
> 
> So. I usually write in german but to train my english I kinda translated this Story?  
> I HOPE ITS NOT TO BAD OKAY THANKS FOR READING IT

Jean Moreau.  
The name is written on his arm, black and cursive. It’s framed with freckles that bloom happily like flowers in the spring.  
Jeremy is almost three when the name appears.  
January 23 is a cold day. Cold as the disbelieve in his mother’s eyes when she grabs his shoulders angrily; he disappointed her, he, no, the name, his soulmate.  
His soulmate- born January 23, called Jean Moreau, that’s all what Jeremy knows about her and he hates her.  
Jeremy is almost three and all he wants is that Jean Moreau disappears so that his parents hold him again, so that everything feels whole again.

Jeremy is nine, and he’s so, so lonely.  
He doesn’t know it, Loneliness is nothing a nine year old would understand, but he’s always alone. His parents avoid him, change the room when he enters the kitchen, never take him with them when they visit friends and family.  
One day he isn’t sure if he even exists after all.  
Every morning, every evening he sits in his room, painting pictures until his fingers feel numb.  
Jeremy is nine and in the evening when he lays in the bed he asks himself where Jean is and if he despites him just the same, and if she will be here someday to hug him and say “It’s gonna be okay.”

Jeremy is twelve, when a new boy joins his class.  
He talks with a funny accent and he looks as if he’s made out of porcelain. Jeremy likes him the second he enters the room, maybe because he laughs a lot or cause he always shares his cookies or cause he’s the first person that holds his hand and asks “Do you wanna be my friend?” in a long, long time.  
The teacher introduces him as Jean Saint-Pery and suddenly Jeremy understands why his parents disdain the name at his arm so much.  
Jeremy is twelve when he finally learns to hate himself.

Jeremy is fourteen and he gives everything to get rid of the damn name.  
He uses his father’s razor and his mother’s kitchen knives but no matter what he tries the two ugly, unwanted words stay, black, almost as dark as the shadows beneath his eyes, as dark as the dry blood at his arms, as the huge hole cut in his heart that is slowly eating him from inside out.  
Only the freckles seem to disappear, afraid of all the pain.  
One time his sister meets him sitting at the veranda, his arms shining red in the weak moon light. She gives him a long and different look and then she sighs, throws a cigarette at him and goes.  
The cigarette burns funny circles in his skin.  
Jeremy is fourteen and he isn’t sure how long he can do that anymore.

Jeremy is sixteen, when his best and quiet only friend Alvarez decides that something needs to change.  
On a sunny Thursday she takes him to her Exy training so he “finally socializes a bit!”  
Jeremy doesn’t even try to contradict und he has to admit that the training weirdly helps. The hours on the field are hard, but welcome. The team seems to like him, cause he’s good, cause is actually pretty good at being funny, cause he learns how easy it can be to laugh.  
Jeremy is sixteen, when Kevin Day turns into his idol, Kevin Day who always looks a bit melancholy when he’s in the arena und who made Exy his life.

Jeremy is eighteen and he can finally leave “home”.  
He and Alvarez visit USC, a college at the west coast of the USA. The climate is better as in Texas or maybe his hearts just feels warmer without his parents.  
There’s an Exy team at USC too, the Trojans, and before he really realized they made him the captain of a happy and really awesome team. They appreciate him as a captain, as a friend, as a human.  
Jeremy is eighteen and maybe this is what it feels like to be happy.

Jeremy is almost nineteen when his mother suddenly dies.  
His sister calls him, tells him about the tragic train accident. Their mother died before the ambulance could reach her.  
He isn’t invited to the funeral but honestly, he isn’t truly touched by the death of the woman that has always been a stranger. And that is what he tells Alvarez and Laila and Connor, his teammates, his loved ones.  
He had drunk one, two, far too many drinks and the word leaves his tongue as fast as an Exyball after an excellent shoot and when he sees how Laila and Alvarez hold hands he tells them of Jean.  
Jean, who had ruined his life.  
Jean, who he wanted to forget forever.  
Jean, who he kind of wants to meet really, really badly.  
And he shows them the name, black and impressive on the scars and the freckles.  
Jeremy hardly hears how Alvarez gasps when she sees his ruined skin; he doesn’t realize that there are tears in Laila’s eyes; everything he perceives are Connors words “Jean Moreau? Isn’t that the new backliner of the Ravens?”  
Jeremy is almost nineteen and he is his soulmate closer than he has been ever before.

The day Jeremy turns nineteen is the day he shall finally meet his soulmates gaze.  
The game isn’t that important- only the third game- but for Jeremy it means everything and more.  
He can’t hide his nervous grin, even when Riko King, captain of the Ravens, almost squashes his hand.  
Just like the handshake is the game: the Ravens play fast, brutal and with lots of pressure, but the Trojans couldn’t be less bothered, never forgetting to stay fair.  
When it’s break the timer says 7:5 for the kings and queens of Evermore.  
But Jeremy doesn’t care. His legs are shaking, while he walks in direction of his enemy’s goal. Jean Moreau leans at the post, hands seeking hold at his knees, gaze far, far away. He stops in front of him, insecure, secure, incredibly confused and stares at Jean. Jeremy stares back, looks straight through him, looks through him, looks him in the eyes and a little bit of recognition lights up his face when he stares at his arm for just a second and Jeremy can’t help it but wonders if Jeans heart pounds just as fast as his.  
For one moment they just look at each other and he can feel it, knows that this moment means something.  
Then Jean coughs and says hardly loud enough for him to hear “Go.” Jeremy only blinks kind of confused and watches how fear takes control of Jean for just a second. “Go. Please. I’m sorry”, he repeats, pain in his voice and while Jeremy stumbles back, Jean turns and leaves the field.  
Jeremy is nineteen and he had forgotten how cruel life was.

Jeremy is still nineteen und nobody reports Jean Moreau missing but he’s never seen at a game again and one night Kevin calls, Kevin who was his idol, who’s now his friend, who asks with muddled voice if he knows anything, Renee is worried, they are all so fucking worried, but Jeremy doesn’t know anything, doesn’t understand, doesn’t want to believe it.  
Alvarez hugs him carefully but really, what is it worth, it’s too late, too late, too late.  
Jeremy is nineteen and the name on his arm fades away.


End file.
